A Change of Brain
by SaysLilith
Summary: We've all heard of someone having a change of heart, but what if your brain is the issue? After Isabella deals with her brain tumor, her life takes a serious turn for the better. Because more often than we would ever know blessings come disguised as curses. All Human, OOC. Warning: Violence.
1. Prologue

Prologue

My hand landed on her cheek swiftly before she saw it coming, knocking her cigarette out of her hand onto the couch, but all she did was pick it up casually as if nothing and pulling another drag. She didn't even care about the couch; her favorite. The same couch I watched her panic over whenever something as harmless as water was spilled on it.

She was defying me. For the first time in years, no, for the first time ever. She wasn't scared.

I reached out to grab her by the hair this time, pulling hard knowing it would elicit a reaction from her. But nothing. No whimpers, no moans, no stifled cries of pain.

I pulled her head back to look at her face, to see those held back tears she usually had in her eyes, but they weren't there either.

What's up with that? What's up with her?

Her face was blank, emotionless, as if all of this was nothing. There weren't even traces of defiance or anger. Big fat nothing.

Now I was the one who was scared.

I always knew what to expect, how to handle her, how to control her and put her on a leash. But this was unexpected; she has become unexpected. I couldn't anticipate her next move.

Taking a step back I let go of her hair, finding solace in mine instead as I pulled at the roots of my long strands like a madman; trying so hard to understand this change. This was a different person.

My wife, Isabella Black, the one I knew for years and had memorized like the back of my hand was no longer there. I didn't know who the woman standing in front of me was. I felt betrayed, conned.

I looked at her as she rested her body back against the couch, taking one last drag from the cigarette, she flung the ashes on the carpet and then put out the cigarette in the couch. Now there is a hole in the couch, and she was smiling about it.

"This was fun," she said as she got up, "I hope we never get to do it again."

Is she crazy?

"I'm filing for a divorce, Jacob."

Her purse was now in one hand, and her keys in the other. The front door was her destination.

I was never going to let her win and have her way that easy, she wants a divorce, I won't give her one, "I won't divorce you, Bells." I smirked, thinking I was winning.

"I don't care if you do. I don't care if you don't." She shrugged, "A divorce is for your sake, honey."

The way she uttered the words wiped the smirk off my face and sent shudders down my spine. I didn't recover from it even after she slammed the door shut behind her on the way out.


	2. (1) Lonesome

Chapter 1

Lonesome

"Are you okay, Bella?"

I leaned my head away from my hand looking at Alice and nodding, "It's just those headaches."

"Again? This is what? The fourth time this week?" She scrunched her nose as she tilted her head to the side, "You need a break, Bella. You're overworking yourself to death."

"Staying home is not an option."

"Why? Because of Jacob?"

I nodded weakly, my head pounding harder with the slight movement, "Do you happen to have an analgesic?"

"No," Alice sighs, "You should really see a doctor."

"Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom." I managed to mutter as I stood up and walked away from her.

I knew it was due time to go see my doctor. It was due time for a lot of things. But I didn't want to go; I was scared shitless. I was fine as long as there were no symptoms, but those headaches, I know what that means.

I managed to make it to one of the stalls in the bathroom without falling flat on my face; it was really hard to keep my footing when all I could think about what the constant pounding in my head. My body plopped down on the closed toilet seat and my head automatically found a resting place on the wall.

What now?

The tears slid down my cheeks. So much pain, I can't handle it anymore.

I need to get home. I need help.

I took my phone out of my pocket and with shivering fingers unlocked the screen. I scrolled through my contacts-Mom, Dad, and Jacob-those were my top three options, but..

No.

Instead I scrolled down to my Doctor's office number and pressed dial.

As soon as I had secured an appointment for the next day I rested my head once again on the stall's wall. I don't even know how long I stayed like that. It didn't matter.

"Bella?" Alice was knocking on the stall's door, "are you okay?"

"No, Alice." I moaned as I stood up to unlock the door, "Can you take me home, please?"

The drive home was silent. I was more than happy to leave my car at the company's parking lot and let Alice take me home with her own car.

Jacob is going to have a fit over this.

Stress pulsed through my body like a live wire, thinking about going home and telling him I left the car back at the company. I knew what was coming. A long lecture about how spoiled I am just because I'm the wife of one CEO and the daughter of the other. And then he is going to call my dad and complain about how irrational I could be sometimes, before finally my dad calls one of his employees to go pick the car up and drive it to our house.

It was a long and tedious process, but it is necessary nonetheless, because that's how the family functions.

"Don't think you're entitled to everything just because you're an only child." My dad would always say.

Ah, man!

I should be expecting another lecture from my father as soon as word gets to him that I left work without a plausible excuse. There were no plausible excuses in our company though. Nothing that can ever happen to you is a good reason to stop working.

The BlackSwan was one of the leading companies in fashion all over the world. And like any respectful huge company, the employees had to work themselves to death in order to please.

A cycle of enslavement that never ends.

Even I was enslaved by my own father and my husband. And not only career wise, I was enslaved in every other aspect there was.

Head of the Marketing department in a company I hate, marketing stock I hate. Perfect wife to Jacob Black, CEO of BlackSwan. Perfect daughter to Charlie Swan, other CEO of BlackSwan, and Renee Swan.

I hate it. I hate my life.

The house was empty and dark, and for the first time during the day I felt lucky.

As expected for someone in our "social class" we had a very big, very modern, and very cold house. It didn't feel like a home, it was just that, a house.

I wasted no time climbing to the top floor, discarding my clothes on the floor before crawling into bed and sighing. The pounding has dulled after I took painkillers, there was just the residuals of the headache at the sides of my head. I buried my head deeper into the pillow trying to let the leftover pain seep into the chillness of the pillow.

I tossed and turned for almost an hour. Jacob wasn't home yet, and showed no sign of coming home soon, so I picked up my phone and tried to call him. As usual he didn't pick up.

So, instead I called my mother..

Another no pick up.

I sighed and closed my eyes and the bedside lights hoping for a peaceful sleep.

But that was too much to ask for I guess, because as soon as I started dozing off, I heard the door to the house slam downstairs. And it only took a minute before Jacob was walking into the bedroom.

"You're here." It was a statement rather than a question, "I didn't see your car." Another statement. He knew what I was going to say already and he was just simply enjoying the moment. And I knew it because he didn't move into the dressing room as he started undoing his dress shirt slowly, one button at a time.

I sat up in bed, pulling the covers close to my body as if that would actually shield me from him, "I left it at work?" my voice was shaking.

His fingers kept doing what they were doing, a smirk forming at one side of his face, "And you want me to send someone over to get it for you, right?"

Sarcasm was dripping.

"Yes?" I whispered, my fingers pulling at imaginary threads at the corner or the bed sheets, "I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow."

That halted his movement, "It's not time for your annual visit yet."

"I've been getting these headaches.." I trailed off as he tilted his head sideways looking at me, analyzing what I was saying, looking for a lie somewhere.

"Headaches? Is that why you're slacking off at work?"

"I'm not." I defended weakly.

"I'll send the driver to go get your car."

Oh! That was easier than I expected. No lectures tonight?

"Thank you." I smiled for the first time in a while.

"Whatever, just don't ask me to go with you." He waved dismissively before walking into the dressing room taking with him my smile.

I slacked in bed until Jacob left the house. As soon as I heard the door shut I bolted out of bed and was getting dressed and ready for the day.

I made breakfast and set the dining room table for one. I sat there eating and staring at nothing, my thoughts wandering off to my to-do list. I have so many undone chores that I haven't had the time or energy to get around to. Those headaches were hindering me most days. Maybe I should ask although I know Jacob will turn me down as always whenever I suggest getting help around the house.

I sighed. Trying to exhale all my negative thoughts out of my body like my therapist suggested I do.

Yes. I go to a therapist too.

Why? Same reason I'm getting those headaches apparently.

I picked up my phone and like yesterday I scrolled through my contacts.

I shouldn't be timid and nervous about asking for help when I need it. I really shouldn't.

I dial my mother's number.

"Izzy!" She sounded breathless.

"Hi, mom!"

"How are you, sweety?"

"Fine. I guess." I took a deep breath, "Listen, mom, I have a doctor appointment today. I know it's not time for my annual visit yet but I'm not feeling completely okay to be honest. And I'm too scared to go alone. Will you please go with me?" I was half pleading by the end.

"Oh!" Silence.

"Mom?"

"I can't today, sweety. I already made plans for the day."

What did I expect? Really. What?

"That's ok." Was all I said before hanging up on her.

I turned my phone off all together and buried my face in my hands trying to hold back the tears, but there was no holding back those. My emotions were overwhelming me in a way that they haven't before. Everything my therapist told me and taught me was forgotten. And there was nothing but this, my loneliness, my need for someone to be with me, to carry this burden with me.

I felt tired.

Too late for that now. Those were my choices, and this was my life.

I wiped away the tears and stood up heading to the doorway. I grabbed my bag and keys and went out to face the day.


	3. (2) Troublesome

Chapter 2

Troublesome

"Mrs. Black." I looked up at the woman calling my name, "This way please."

I followed, my heart thumbing loudly. My palms were getting sweaty, and my head was starting to pound slightly. The impending start of one of my infamous headaches.

"Miss Swan." The doctor stood up shaking my hand.

"Dr. Cullen," I smiled at him, "And it's Mrs. Black, you know?"

"Ah yes, Bella." Carlisle, my doctor, my old friend smiled at me. "To me you're still the 18-year-old patient I saw for the first time nine years ago."

"How's Esme?" I asked offering him a genuine smile.

"We're still trying for a child." He said, shrugging his shoulders, as if it didn't bother him.

"Oh." Way to go, Bella, offering an awkward response.

"Anyway," Carlisle leaned forward looking at me, "although I like it when you visit, an earlier than expected visit at my office has me worried."

I shrugged.

"Tell me."

I sighed, "I don't know. It might be stress and I'm just blowing things out of proportions here."

"No harm with being cautious, especially considering what we're dealing with."

"Headaches." I whisper, "Horrible headaches."

He leaned back into his chair, picking up a pen, "How often have you been getting them?"

"It's easier to count the times when I don't have a headache"

"Is it limiting? So you find it hard to concentrate on your chores or job?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, here's what we'll do." He started scribbling things on a prescription paper, "I want you to do a brain MRI, and I'll prescribe you a strong painkiller until we see the MRI and figure out if it's just stress or something else."

"And if it's something else?" I whispered.

"We've been over this before, Bella." He tried to sound reassuring and sympathetic, but that didn't reassure me in any way. I know what comes next. And I'm terrified of admitting how much it actually terrifies me.

My brain buzzed with possibilities and options as I drove home.

When I was barely seventeen I was diagnosed with a primary benign frontal lobe brain tumor.

Yea, yea. Oddly specific.

It was long trips between doctors here and there. All kinds of treatments and ideas were offered. Until Dr. Cullen, who pointed out that it's benign and slow growing.

What are my options, doctor?

Wait.

Yes..

Wait.

Yearly MRI scans to observe change and growth of mass. And as long as there were no severe symptoms, then there is no need to do anything about it yet.

So here I am, eleven years later, weeks away from my 28th birthday. I'm lucky I lasted this long without severe symptoms. And I knew that headaches were just the beginning of so many things I might have to suffer.

I parked my car and walked into the house feeling overwhelmed with my own thoughts.

One day at a time, Bella. One day at a time.

I took a huge breath and let it out slowly.

First things first, I need to make an appointment for the MRI.

And then..

And then what?

I had nothing to do really.

No friends. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do.

"How are you doing today, Bella?" Alice asked as she poked her head through the door to my office.

"Much better, Alice. Thank you!" Alice was nice, we weren't friends, but she was always nice, "I went to see a doctor like you said."

"And?"

"Everything is in order, just my stress levels rocketing through the roof." I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

"Glad to have you back." She smiled at me and turned around to leave.

But there was something about that smile, it made me want to be friends with her, and I felt brave..

"Hey, Alice!"

"Yes?" She looked at me over her shoulder, and instantly my moment of bravery was gone, and instead a wave of anxiety flooded my senses..

"Never mind." I shook my head, "See ya later."

I could've sworn disappointment filled her features, but she smiled and walked out anyway.

Shit.

My hands moved into my hair on their own pulling with stress.

I'm such a coward. A loser.

I sat at my desk and sighed, trying to calm myself down, thinking of the day ahead of me one small step at a time.

My MRI results are coming in today, I'll go pick them up later today and then head tomorrow for an appointment with Dr. Cullen.

I've been managing my headaches with strong painkillers throughout the week, but a part of me knows what's coming next. I know what comes with those MRI results, I know things are progressing. I can feel it in my bones.

I know that the slack I've been cut for the past eleven years isn't going to last anymore, and it's finally time for taking out the tumor. And I know what happens if I don't take it out, and I know what happens if I take it out and it goes sideways.

I've talked to Dr. Cullen about this a million times. What effects this will have on me, what I should and shouldn't expect. Yet I can't bring myself to start making arrangements, because despite my gut feeling of the approaching inevitable, I still have the slightest hope that maybe I'm wrong and that those headaches are just what I had told Alice, stress.

"Miss Swan." Carlisle greeted me.

"I'm not even going to correct you on that anymore, Carlisle."

"I prefer Swan to Black, you do know that, Bella." He laughed.

I smiled, because yea, I do know that. But mostly, because I didn't know which I preferred. I think I secretly hated both.

"Let me see.." He reached his hand out for my MRI.

I gave it to him hesitantly.

Seconds passed slowly as he looked at the MRI.

"Well, Bella. I'm sorry to say this, but I think it's time."

My heart skipped a beat, and my breath was coming out shaky. I knew it.

He was now talking, but the words were lost on my ears. I wasn't hearing any of it. I had arrangements to make. Plans.

"Carlisle.." I cut him mid speaking, "tell me again."

"Tell you what?"

"What to expect. Afterwards."

I don't remember driving myself home. I don't remember parking the car. I don't remember changing. I don't even remember Jacob coming home. All I could think about was the things Carlisle told me to expect. So here I was leaned over a paper writing them down over and over. I wanted to memorize them.

Behavioral and emotional changes; impaired judgment, motivation or inhibition; impaired sense of smell or vision loss; reduced mental abilities and memory loss. Those are the symptoms I should expect along with my tumor growth. And they're the same things I should expect after removing my tumor.

Well, to be specific, I shouldn't expect everything on that list, but I should expect something.

Four hours later, and I'm still at it. Jacob is already in bed, he didn't bother to ask me about anything, which is good because I didn't intend to answer him anyway. I didn't have it in me to do so.

We've been together for 7 years, I've known him all him my life, and we've been married for 5 years. No children yet. And I don't know if that's good or bad. I don't know if it's the reason our relationship is so strained, or if I should consider my unborn children lucky to escape such a shitty household to begin with.

Not having children is in no way my fault. And I know this because I've been through every test and examination there is. Jacob hasn't, yet he blames me "medical" condition for it.. because of course brain tumors make you sterile. Asshole.

It's why I forgive his aggressiveness and temper. That and of course I'm scared shitless of him. Being slapped and roughed up more than once on different occasions while having no support from your family tends to do that to you I guess.

I secretly hoped I died during that operation.

I'm dysfunctional and stressed with impaired judgment as it is? How bad should I expect it to be afterwards? Isn't my life ruined as it with all my bad choices in my life?

Should I expect more fear? Stress? Foolishness? Carlisle had to answer to that.

Apparently Behavioral ad emotional changes can pretty much entail anything.


	4. (3) Lightsome

Chapter 3

Lightsome

It's been a few weeks since my operation. I endured a whole lot of tests and examinations before finally Carlisle decided that I was good to go about with my life. He recommended me a psychiatrist although I told him that I'm already seeing one but he insisted nonetheless.

I took an extra week sitting at home doing nothing having no care in the world. Feeling light and relieved as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

It helped me so much that Jacob wasn't around, supposedly he was on a "work" trip. His absence was more that welcome though. In his opinion he has fulfilled his part as a loving husband by paying the hospital bills and sending me his driver every evening to see that my needs were met.

My parents came around a total of four times to see my after my operation, because they too thought that work and social status was more worrisome than the welfare of their own daughter. But I didn't mind that either to be honest.

My only consistent visitor was Esme, Carlisle's wife. Whom I'm sure thought I was pathetic or some charity case by now. But she was nice to me and I appreciated it nonetheless. When I was detained in the hospital she was always coming around at mornings bringing along home cooked food and fresh change of clothing. Which is more than I could say my own family ever did to me. My mom bought me flowers with a card that read "Get well soon x", like she did with anybody she ever knew.

Meh.

I was now sitting in bed. I think I have been for the past two days or so, I hardly ever got up to do anything other than go to the bathroom. Which is fine by me. Although I think I might smell like shit right now.

The doorbell rang. It was Esme, I'm sure. She kept up the habit of morning visits even when I was back home.

"Don't you have work?" I greeted her at the door.

"Don't you?" She greeted right back not missing a beat.

"Whatever, Esme, come in." I left the door open and turned around already making my way to the staircase because I wanted to get back to bed, "Remind me to give you a key, because I don't feel like leaving my bed to open the door for you every morning."

"Aren't you supposed to be back at work?"

"Yea. Sure. Whatever."

"How are you feeling today, Bella?"

"Peachy." I answered as I made my way through my bedroom's door with her following me. I slipped my sweatpants off, and I have no clue why I felt like I should do that really, and I hopped back in bed.

Esme stood at my bedroom's door looking awkward for a minute before finally entering and sitting at the edge of my bed. A few moments of silence passed, none of us really knowing what to say or do next.

"Why do you keep visiting, Esme?" I asked her, leaning forward to look at her closer looking for an answer.

"Because I like you.." She trailed off not sure if that's the right or wrong answer to give me.

"Well, you're always welcome in my bed." A wave of courage flooded me as her words rang once again in my head, and I found myself leaning forward slightly and touching her hand gently, whispering in a low teasing voice, as I kissed her cheek lightly.

She pulled her hand quickly away and stood up shock flooding her features.

"Oh come on! I'm kidding! Relax!" I exclaimed between laughs. I couldn't hold them back. And it's the first time I laughed in a long time, and I don't know what came over me, or where this was even coming from, "Sit down, I'm kidding. You're not even my type."

Finally, she joined me in on the laughing and she sat back down at the side of the bed. She reached out again to my hand and held it between hers, "I worry about you, Bella. You're like the daughter I never had." She smiled at me.

"You're not that old."

"You know what I mean."

"Yea, yea."

"Will you let me help you?" She asked me gently.

"I don't need help, Esme." I pulled my hand away from hers and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"You're still in bed, Bella."

"I don't want to go to work." But honestly, I got so carried away with deassembling the patterns on the roof above my bed that I forgot I have work. For some reasons those patterns were far more important than going to work and functioning like a normal person. Although I'm definitely don't count myself as a normal person anymore.

"You need to get back to your life." She told me gently as she pushed my hair back away from my face and behind my ears.

How can I tell her that I don't have a life to get back to?

"Ok. Fine." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Can I pick today's outfit for you?"

"Yea sure"

Half an hour later I was dressed and sitting in front of my mirror as Esme worked on my hair and makeup.

"There you go." She stepped back to admire her work "Now we're ready to go."

"We?"

"Yea, I'm driving you."

"Hey! This is not my first day at school. And you're not my mom."

"Please?" She pleaded.

"Fine, but you'll have to drive me home after work." She was clapping her hands in joy before I even finished my sentence.

"Let's go!" She said as she started making her way out of the room and down the stairs.

I sighed and picked up my purse and house keys before I followed her out and down. We were about to walk out the door when we heard keys rattling and Jacob walked in.

"Bells." He greeted me with a nod, so formal. "I'm glad to see you up and about." He smiled a half assed fake smile.

"Thank you, honey." I never used endearing terms with him, and I could see it surprised him. I don't know why I did it though, or why I uttered those next words either, "Are you going to the company today, honey? I have to get going now because I'm late. Esme is driving me, but can you drive me home after work?" I added a sugarcoated smile at the end, knowing he wouldn't refuse me in front of Esme, because he was ever the gentleman and devoted husband when people were around.

"Sure, Bells."

"Thank you!" I exclaimed and took a step forward kissing his cheek and patting his ass playfully before I walked out. What is wrong with me?

Our relationship was straining, I knew he was cheating on me, and we haven't had sex in almost a year.. and now I do this?

"Mmm, nice to see you again, Jacob." Esme uttered awkwardly before she followed me out the door. I even forgot she was there. Fuck, Bella!

We got into Esme's car. Silence enveloping us with the leftover awkwardness of the situation. And that's how we spent most of the way, until she finally broke the silence with an equally awkward question, "Things seem better between you and Jacob?"

I shrugged. I had no answer for that. I have no clue what had just happened, or if it will have any effect of any kind on our relationship.

Walking through our building was quite the event. Greeted by everybody. Being stopped for hugs and "glad you're back"s a hundred times before I finally made it to my office. And in an unusual occurrence my office was buried in gifts and flowers. Everything coming with a card. I guess everybody was expecting me back today.. What better way to kiss the CEOs' asses than through me of course?

I cleared some space for my laptop and sat down at my desk getting ready for only God knows what that I had ahead of me today. I leaned back in my chair waiting for the laptop to power up as I started randomly inspecting the gifts on my desk.

"It's true!" Alice's little head came poking through my office door.

"What's true?" I asked her as I motioned for her to come in and sit.

"You're back." The way she said it warmed my heart slightly.

"I am in a way, but I guess that's not news considering all of this." I pointed at the gifts that were everywhere in my office, even the floor.

"Nobody tells the intern anything around here." She smiled sadly before adding, "I'm sorry I didn't bring you anything."

"I take it you don't like your internship at BlackSwan?"

"No! I didn't mean it like that!"

"It's okay." I laughed as I leaned back further into my chair, "How old are you, Alice?"

"23"

I nodded. Not fully aware of why I asked her that.

"Say, how about we go out for lunch today?" I suggested, "My treat, courtesy of your not so pleasant time at BlackSwan."

"Mmm, why?" She asked, he head tilting sideways as she looked at me intently.

"Let's say I'm in the mood to make a.." I hesitated for a second. "new friend."

"Something seems different about you, Bella."

I shrugged my shoulders and asked her, "Is that a yes?"

"Yes."


	5. (4) Gamesome

Chapter 5

Gamesome

Apparently skipping work for a few weeks meant I was going to have to drown in my overdue tasks.

I stood up in the middle of my office, contemplating what to do first.

And here I am eventually in the meeting room with my marketing staff, listening to a briefing of the past few weeks. Apparently far more work was dependent on my signature and my approval and initial viewing than I had anticipated. Most of our marketing campaigns are behind schedule.

This was the majority of my morning, a very long meeting, and then sitting in my office as my team swarmed in and out bringing files and folders of projects that needed approvals and marketing campaigns that needed signatures to proceed.

Finally when the last of the folders arrived, I was standing in the middle of my office once again, my hands in my waist looking around and obsessing about a filing order for these folders before I could even get to work on them or touch them.

"Ready?" Alice's head was poking through my office door again.

"Huh?" I looked at her in puzzlement, "Ready for what?"

"Lunch?" She asked, unsure, her face falling slightly as she stepped into the office.

"Oh!"

"You forgot." She stated. "That's okay, don't mind me. I understand if you're busy."

She was already backing up to the door, obviously planning an escape.

"Alice, wait!" I groaned as I buried my head in my hands, "I didn't forget. I just didn't realize that it was lunch time already. I'm just drowning in overdue tasks."

She was silent.

"We'll order lunch here, how about that?"

She nodded as she moved into the office to stand right next to me, trying to pinpoint what I was looking at, "Do you want help?" she asked.

"Yes."

Alice ordered lunch and then before I knew it she was skimming through the files and helping me to file them according to due dates and priorities.

When the food arrived we sat at my desk, pushing files and papers aside to place the food. And we started munching as we looked around in awkward silence.

"Why don't you have an assistant?" She asked quietly.

"Well, to tell you the truth Alice, my father makes sure to keep reminding me that I'm not entitled to anything just because I'm his daughter or Jacob's wife."

"But you are entitled as a manager to get an assistant considering that every other manager does already have one. You're not asking for something extra. You command an entire marketing department, but are not allowed an assistant? Come on?" She was getting hyped as she spoke the words.. "that's not even fair! What's fashion without good marketing, you're a very important part of this company!"

"You know what? You're right."

"I am?" she asked.

"Yes, you are." I laughed. "How would you like to get hired as my assistant when your internship is over?"

"What?"

"What? You don't want to?"

"Shut up!" She laughed before slamming her hand on her mouth realizing what she said, "Sorry! I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Alice."

"Why though?" Her voice was quiet once again.

"Believe me, I have no idea." I sighed as I slumped back into my chair, "I like you, I guess. I just fine myself enjoying your company?"

At that she blushed slightly bowing her head down like a teenage girl.

"Where were you all those weeks before?" She asked.

"I wasn't feeling well, Alice." I shrugged.

"I know that's what everybody is saying that you were having a slight health issue." She stated, looking for further explanation.

"I had a surgery. And I haven't been feeling like myself ever since."

"You do seem different."

"How so?" I was curious to what she had noticed.

"You're somehow less shy, bolder."

"You know what? I think I am." I said leaning forward to pat her hand with mine, which earned me another blush from her as she withdrew her hand away and excused herself.

/

The day went by quicker than I thought it would. But by the end of the day I had already set up three different meetings with my marketing team to finish up and priority tasks, and went through half the pile of files that sat on my desk.

I sat back catching a breath feeling a bit proud of myself rejoicing in the moment before my next dreaded task. I picked up my phone and dialed the connecting number to my father's office.

"Swan's office. How may I help you?"

"Good evening, Jessica. This is Isabella Black speaking."

"Mrs. Black, How may I help you?"

"I need to schedule an appointment with Mr. Swan, please."

"Oh!" she sounded surprised. I never asked for anything like this before, and I was never this formal about it. Because whenever I needed something I called my dad on the phone, or just straight walked into his office. "Is everything okay? Do you want to come see him now?"

"No." I sighed, "I need to schedule an appointment as the head of Marketing department, not as his daughter, Jessica. Will you do that for me, please?"

"Yes of course, Mrs. Black." She paused for a few seconds, "Does Monday at 1.30 pm suit you? After lunch?"

"Yes, thank you."

/

When it was finally time to go home I found myself strangely enough making my way to my husbands office, he needed to act on his promises regarding my ride home.

On my way out of the office to the elevator, I met up with Alice.

"Hey there again." I smiled at her, "Any plans for tonight? It's the weekend after all."

"Yea, I got invitations to the opening of a new club downtown called Euphoria, it's another one of the Masen establishments." She said as she buzzed up and down like a bee.

"Someone's excited." I laughed.

"Yes, all establishments owned by the Masens are A Class and just downright amazing." She clapped her hands as we walked inside the elevator.

I tilted my head studying her which made her blush again.

"I've been to every single one of the Masen establishments in the country. Opening nights are especially my favorite." She blushed once again.

"It does sound interesting, Alice." I told her as the elevator binged indicating my floor.

"Have fun tonight." I whispered as I exited the elevator.

I made my way to Jacob's office as the wheels turned around in my head. Maybe I should go out and have some fun too. When was the last time I did that?

"Tanya." I greeted Jacob's secretary as I walked in with a nod of my head, "Will you please inform Mr. Black I'm here."

"Mrs. Black!" She was taken aback by my presence, because in all her years here, she hasn't seen me once coming to my husband, "Yes, at once."

She headed quickly into his office only to emerge after a few seconds, "Mr. Black is expecting you."

I smiled at her as I made my way through the door to his office.

"Is everything okay, Bells?"

"You promised me a ride home."

"I did? But I already have plans tonight." As he uttered the words I could see his eyes flickering for a second behind me to the office door, "Can't, what's her name? Esme? Drive you instead?"

"Nope, too late for that. You promised." I said plopping myself down on a leather chair in front of his desk.

"What are you doing?" I could hear anger gathering in his voice already.

This would be a good time for me to back off and be scared. But I didn't and I wasn't.

"Asking my husband to drive me home." I patted my eyelashes in pure mockery as he just stared at me. So, I stood up and went around his desk, sitting on his lap, thinking I could guilt trip him maybe, "Come on, Jake, I just got through a life threating brain surgery. Can't I spend more time with my husband?"

"Wait for me outside." He groaned.

"Sure."

I sat on the leather couch outside his office looking at Tanya as I rocked a wide devious smile on my face. I wasn't scared of him for some reason. And all I could think about was going to that Euphoria place to see what Alice has been buzzing about.

The phone on Tanya's desk rang before she picked up and then made her way into Jacob's office again. She stayed longer than the last time though, and from where I sat I started hearing muffled voices of an ongoing argument. I get the feeling that this is why Jacob is so busy with work all the time, and why his business trips are so frequent. And I get a feeling this was Jacob's plans for the night.

I smiled a little to myself, nothing better than knowing someone's secret.

Poor girl, doesn't know the kind of trouble Jacob really is.

The door opened and Jacob walked out followed by a seemingly disappointed Tanya.

As soon as I saw her face, an evil idea danced around in my head. Repaying Jacob the kindness he's been showing me all those years, make his life a hell for a split second.

"Ready?" He asked me.

"Yes," I said and leaned into his body, my arms weaving their way underneath his suit jacket and around his waist as I kissed him on his mouth taking my time as I counted to ten inside my head, "I'm always ready for you." I uttered the words as I leaned back again and winked at him then proceeded to swat his ass playfully.

I giggled to myself as I watched a stunned Jacob and a furious Tanya look at me.

"Have a good evening, Tanya." I waved at her as I twined my fingers with Jacob's and half dragged him away, "I know we will, won't we, honey?"

Jacob was too stunned to utter any words until we were in the backseat of his car, his driver starting the car and asking, "Home, Mr. Black?"

"Home?" Jacob asked turning to me.

"Only to change clothes and go out again." I replied cheerfully.

"Are you okay, Bells?"

"Never been better."


	6. (5) Moralsome

Chapter 5

Moralsome

"Where exactly are we going again?" Jacob asked as we walked through the door into the house.

"There's a new club called Euphoria. Tonight, is the opening night. I've heard word going about it in the office. Apparently, it's a big deal and needs invitations and all." I blabbered as I started heading for the stairs and taking them two at a time.

"Mmm, okay?" He mumbled following me.

I halted once I crossed the bedroom door, and then turned around and looked at him, patting my eyelashes and planning to stroke his ego, "So? Will my well-connected husband get us on the list of invited people to the opening night while I find something pretty to wear?"

He shrugged, and I left him with his phone knowing he'll make a call or two while I head to the dressing room.

Now this was a challenge, as I browsed through my wardrobe I realized I had nothing that was deemed worthy for a night out partying. Disappointment and frustration started to takeover as I stared at my wardrobe, but suddenly an overwhelming urge to colour coordinate my wardrobe started forming, and I found myself pulling the hangers out and thinking about my colour scheme.

I was at it for five minutes, my plans for the night were totally forgotten, Jacob was totally forgotten, Alice and Euphoria were forgotten. I was a woman possessed. A few minutes and a whole lot of hangers later I found a box that was laying around at the backside of my wardrobe untouched. Last year's birthday present, a dress my mom has bought for me that I had judged harshly and resorted to stashing it away out of sight.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor I pulled the box closer to me and opened the lid removing some of the paper wrapping along to uncover the black material of the dress underneath..

"Thank you, mama." I whispered grinning. How did I not like this? Was I dumb or something?

I held the dress up to look at it better the very moment Jacob was walking into the dressing room.

"We have invitations for the night." He told me, lifting his head from his phone as he locked the screen, "Are you wearing that?" He asked pointing to the dress with a nudge of his head.

"Yup." I nodded excitedly, "Isn't it nice?"

/

I checked myself one more time in the mirror. I felt so proud of myself. I have never in all my years felt so put together. Maybe it's time for me to pay a bit more attention to what I do and don't wear.

I had put on the black dress my mom gave me last year, it was fitted to my body with long sleeves. Black and short, stopping just above my knees. It looked elegant, with no cleavage or skin showing in the top part, it was a solid block of blackness from just underneath my neck all the way to my knees, where after that my creamy legs showed. Matt at the top and then starting to shimmer in waves underneath my bust until it ended in a full-blown black shimmer at the bottom of the dress with a few scattered specs of gold shimmer. My heels were shimmering gold, as well as my bag. I had simple golden earrings, and a golden neck coller. The only thing with colour was my lips, where I have rocked a bright shade of matt red lipstick, with a single black rhinestone sitting at the lower mid part of my lower lip.

I smiled at myself one more time noticing Jacob in the mirror standing behind me with an appreciative stare.

"Ready?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"Let's go." I grabbed his hand and smiled at him as we marched downstairs and outside to the car where the driver was still waiting for us. We climbed in the back and sat in silence, which gave me time to consider my chances of running into Alice tonight. I found myself wondering what she'd look like tonight, will she look different from the office, kinda like how different I am right now? And then I found myself wondering if she'd appreciate the way I looked? Would she approve? My train of thought kept jumping from one place to another until I decided to research the Masen establishments just to get a bit more insight on what she likes really.

Using the browser on my phone I started googling the Masens.

Old money, that's what they are.

Rumored to have connections with the Mafia, a family that is followed by tragedy everywhere, despite how famous they are for their charity work. Most of the family was wiped out during a huge fire a few years back in Italy. Now there's only the Masen brothers left. Emmet and Edward. Emmet is married to a famous psychiatrist, Rosalie Masen.

Photos of Rosalie and Emmet were all over the internet, the social events' couple apparently. There was none of Edward though.

The Masens have been opening nightlife related establishments for the past five years or so. There were news articles about them planning to start their own liquor line soon too. All their establishments are well recognized and highly rated on every top list there is. There were even rumors about them owning a couple or more sex clubs.

Wow!

Nightlife Kings, they called them.

They own 15 nightclubs around the country so far, and press claims that 15 is the known number, speculations are that Masens own far more establishments than that, but it's not publicly known as an attempt to preserve their public image.

"How did you manage to get us invitations?" I asked Jacob, tilting my head sideways, because the Masens seemed to be a big deal. Not that we weren't, the Swans and Blacks. But I was curious nonetheless.

"I know Jasper Whitelock, their marketing manager." He waved with his hand as if it was nothing, "We met a few years back."

Before I could question him more, we were already there. My attention was held captive by the long line of cars ahead of us, the long line of people parallel to us on the sidewalk, and the big building we were approaching. The place was huge!

It took a while before we were finally at the gates, stepping out of the car onto a long golden carpet, it felt cinematic and dreamy. It looked like something out of a movie. It had a beautiful and elegant twenties vibe going around, kinda reminded me of their Mafia connections rumor.

We were escorted from the door into a VIP booth of our own, where we had a view of the dancefloor, and wouldn't have to go order drinks from the bar, instead we were assigned someone who will deliver whatever we needed.

At first there was an awkward silence between me and Jacob, we were here, but we didn't know what to do next. So, we both kept our eyes on the dancefloor pretending to be very intrigued by the dancing crowd. Jacob ordered drinks. More for him than for me, which I didn't mind because I wanted to stay as attentive as I can and observe and obsess over the details of the world around me. Three drinks later Jacob was ready for the dance floor, asking me if I wanted to dance. I nodded and enthusiastically grabbed his hand and started stepping out of our booth only to be interrupted by a tall blonde guy.

"Jacob!" He greeted, "I was just making my way over to you."

"Jasper," Jacob greeted him with a nod, "How are you?"

"Fine as I'll ever be," Jasper responded, "How do you like the place?"

"It's nice." Jacob shrugged. He's sore when it comes to other people's success.

Jasper's eyes flickered to me, "Who's the little lady?"

"This is my wife, Isabella Black." Jacob introduced us, "Bells, this is Jasper Whitelock."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs Black." He was almost mocking, I don't know why, before he turned to Jacob again, "If you'll excuse me, I've been summoned by my boss."

I tried to shrug the whole encounter off because it had felt weird and tense someway, and I decided to focus my energy on finding Alice instead using the dancefloor as an excuse.

It took about fifteen minutes for Alice to find me instead of me finding her.

"Oh! I thought that was you!" Alice stood before me on the dancefloor rocking a deep purple tube dress that reached beneath her knees, her shoulders were covered in rhinestones, her eyes shimmering with her precise eye makeup. She looked perfect. And now her hands were on her mouth as she took one step back and looked me up and down, "Bella, I didn't even recognize you at first! You look great!"

"Thank you." I smiled at her then stepped aside to introduce her to Jacob, "Alice, this is my husband, Jacob Black. Jacob, this is Alice Hale, she's taking an internship at our company."

Jacob nodded tightly, not liking to be spotted by employees outside the work environment.

"Mr. Black! It's an honour!" Alice shouted excitedly over the music.

"I'll go sit back at the booth and order a drink, I'm a bit tired." Jacob said to me before he moved on ignoring Alice completely.

"Sorry Alice. He's not sociable." I told her.

Luckily, Alice was already buzzed by the alcohol that she didn't care, she grabbed me by the hand and started dancing to the music instead, and I followed her lead. I threw every bad idea out of my head and started dancing too. It felt good while it lasted, being around Alice was comforting for some reason.

A few minutes later Alice excused herself to go to the bathroom, and I found myself dancing alone in the middle of strangers, but it wasn't intimidating, and I didn't feel like my usual shy and awkward self, rather I felt empowered by the fact that none of them knew me. And I let go. Dancing away my life, my years of misery, my unhappy marriage, my uncaring parents, my self-loathing, and my weakness. Yes, I decided to leave this dancefloor changed, a different person. Fuck old Bella wherever she is now, I don't want her back. Whatever comes after the surgery I shall embrace, be it good or bad, I shall stop trying to gain my old self and my old ways back again.

My line of thought was interrupted by someone tapping on my shoulder, turning around I saw a tall handsome guy smiling at me, "Are you here alone?"

"Well, not anymore obviously." I gestured at him with my hand pretending to be annoyed.

"I'm Ed…" He started to say but I interrupted him.

"I don't care." I uttered the words as I continued dancing, insisting on not being bothered by him.

"Well, okay then." He mumbled and started to dance next to me.

After a while I wasn't bothered by his presence anymore, rather it was welcome actually. I kinda enjoyed it, him dancing next to me, not making a move or starting a conversation. It was nice. But it wasn't long though before I realized that Alice has been gone for too long.

Without excusing myself from the handsome guy, I walked out of the dancefloor looking around me trying to locate where the bathrooms are, until finally I saw what looked like a corridor to the far side of the club, there I found myself tumbling from one dark corridor to the next not really knowing where I'm going, until I heard a familiar voice, Jacob's.

I followed his angry whispers until finally I could see him from behind one of the corners, standing in the darkness with a woman, sounding livid as he whisper-yelled at her.

"Are you fucking stalking me?" He was grabbing her roughly by her forearms. Wow, I thought he only ever got violent with me, but apparently, that was his thing. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The woman whispered. I couldn't see her face, but I immediately recognized her voice. Tanya. "I just got so jealous. You know how much I love you, I couldn't bear it. Please, please!"

What she was begging for was beyond me, but she sounded stupid to be begging Jacob for anything really.

Wait, didn't I do that too?

Fuck.

No.

Old Bella did that.

I'm not her anymore.

I'm Isabella fucking Swan. Not Bella Black. Not from this moment on.

"Go home, Tanya."

"Will you come?"

"I'll drive my wife home and then come spend the night." He stressed the word wife, as if to twist a knife in her wounds.

He started dragging her by the arm and they were now heading my way. The corridor behind me was long, really long, and there was no way I wasn't going to be spotted here by the time they turned around the corner. So I made a dash for the first door I saw and very quietly twisted the handle, luckily it was open, I slid into the already lit room and closed the door as I took a couple steps back from it deciding to wait until it was clear for me to go out.

"Miss 'I don't care', what are you doing here?" I turned around to see the handsome guy from the dancefloor sitting on a leather couch to the right of the room.

"Hiding from all my admirers," I rolled my eyes in mockery, "isn't it obvious?"

"Since this admirer found you," he pointed at himself, "he demands a date." He grinned at me.

"Sorry, can't do." I replied shrugging my shoulders, "I'm more interested in women."

I had no idea why I said that honestly, but it felt true for some reason as my mind flickered to Alice for a split second. Fuck! I still haven't found Alice.

"Hey do me a favor, point me to the ladies' room, will ya?"

"Sure," his voice was much quitter laced with disappointment, "This way."

I followed him out of the room and into the corridor again until we made it to the bathrooms.

"Can I at least get your name?" He asked.

"That won't do you any good." I said over my shoulder as I slid into the bathroom.

The bathroom was huge, so huge that there was no need for a line outside. I knocked on stalls, one at a time, until I heard Alice's voice humming back at me from one of them.

"Alice, are you okay?" I said from behind the door, "open up!"

"Go away, Bella."

But I didn't, and I kept knocking until she opened the door, I pushed her back and slid in shutting the stall behind me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She said, not looking at me as she sat down on the closed toilet lid.

"Are you drunk? Did you throw up? Do you need help? A ride home?"

"Chill! I'm fine." She almost shouted, "My friend Angela is here, she'll drive me home."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing, let's just go."

"Alice," I kneeled on the floor in front of her, holding both her hands and tilting my head to be able to look at her edged-down-face, "tell me what's wrong?"

"I can't be your assistant." She whispered in defeat.

"Why?"

She shook her head at me refusing to answer. Instead I took a shot and guessed, making a pass at her at the same time.

"Is it because you like me, Alice?" she didn't answer, made no move. "Like, really like me. Not as a friend or a colleague kind of way."

Her finger twitched in my hand, which encouraged me to go on as I slowly closed the distance between our faces, "Are you attracted to me, Alice?"

Alice started shaking, her eyes tearing up, "This has never happened to me before, liking a woman.. I've never.."

"Shh, it's okay, me neither." I tried to calm her down, "I like you too, Alice."

And that was before I found my lips on hers, kissing her ever so gentle and slow. Trying to reassure her the best I can, because after all that was as new for me as it was for her. But I wasn't scared. I was thrilled and elated. I was doing something new, giving life a go at last.

The moment was taken away from me by my phone ringing in my little purse. I pulled back from Alice, standing up as I opened the purse and pulled out the phone. It was Jacob. Must be eager to spend the night at Tanya's. I snorted to myself.

"We better call your friend, Alice. I have to go home."

Minutes later we were standing with her friend, Angela, who seemed really nice and sober. Angela was not standing alone nonetheless; she was with two people that I recognized because I've just seen their pictures all over the internet on my way here.

Rosalie and Emmet Masen.

Turns out that Rosalie and Angela go way back, and are currently connected through work.

"Alice, come quick!" Angela had rushed Alice from a distance, "Alice, this is Rosalie and Emmet Masen. This is Alice, guys, I've been telling you all about her."

"Thank you, Rosalie, for always hooking us up with invitations."

Rosalie laughed and told Alice that it was her pleasure, before everybody turned to look at me expecting an introduction, after all none of them knew me other than Alice.

"Never mind me guys, I was just delivering this little miss to her friend." I said backing away slowly, "I'll call you tomorrow, Alice."

And then before I knew it I was outside with Jacob, waiting for our driver anticipating the long and silent drive home when I could think about all the immorality of the night.

My husband cheating on me.

Me cheating on my husband. With a woman.

Well, fuck it.


End file.
